Raising Mentally Strong Kids #4: The Brain Needs Boundaries

Core conversation. Number four, the brain needs boundaries. Talk to your kids about boundaries, limits, and rules because they let them know what to expect and help them feel safe. Like society has rules, families should as well, but not too many. One of my OCD patients posted 108 rules on the refrigerator, which was overwhelming for everyone. Here are some of our favorite family rules. One, tell the truth. Honesty builds trust. If you make this a family rule, you have to tell the truth. Kids do what you do, what you model, not what you tell them to do. For kids who have trouble with the truth, I do an intervention called truth training. I have parents say, sometimes I’m gonna ask you about things I already know the answer to, and if you tell me the truth, I’ll be really happy. And if not, there’ll be consequences. Rule number two, we treat each other with respect for younger kids. Spell it out. This means no yelling, hitting, kicking. Name, calling or put downs. Disrespect breeds. Conflict, isolation and loneliness. Model respect and make it the expected norm in your family and it will help kids build positive relationships with others. Three. One of my favorite rules, do what mom or dad say the first time. Parents often tell me they have to tell their kids to do something five or 10 times. If you tell a child to do something 10 times, then you get upset. You’re teaching them. They don’t have to obey until you lose control. When we tell one of the kids to take out the trash, for example, if he or she doesn’t start moving within a reasonable time, we’ll say, you can do it now, or you can have this consequence and then you still have to do it. It’s up to you. We train them that we’re serious the first time we say things. When you communicate and reinforce clear expectations, kids generally get the message. Just do it in a firm and kind way. Always rooting for their success or put things away. You take out. We believe in building accountability and responsibility even in In small children. Chores and work. Build self-esteem. Five, ask for permission before you go somewhere. Even though many kids complain about it. Parents need to check where their kids are, who they’re with and what they’re doing. Kids hate when you check and they hate it more when you don’t because they think you don’t care of all the rules. Our favorite one is, don’t make a problem. It encompasses all the rules.